Darryll Stinson - How To Dominate Life After Sports

Dealcasters Darryll Stinson Logic Bounce Podcast Framework

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Jim Fuhs: [: 00:00:00

He helps other speakers, uh, you know, he's been on. The TEDx stage, and, and he's written this book, he's worked with the National Football League players associated to say, well, Jim, is that, well, Darrell has a really, uh, it's, it's an amazing story in the fact that Darrell is still here. Darrell was a division one athlete at Central Michigan University, uh, and got injured, but he was so, uh, I guess you could say, and he may say, uh, say this.

red a disc in his lower back [: 00:01:00

It was his identity. His, his story not only ties into athletes, but folks like me, veterans, right? People going through transition. 'cause a lot of times, and I think Chris, even when you left your, your last, uh, you know, job, it's kinda like, what am I gonna do now? That was my identity. And so, you know, uh, you know, this is a very serious, you know, subject.

what, God put me here for a [: 00:02:00

Depression isn't something that just automatically goes away, but I think by being aware of it, being able to talk about it, that, uh, you know, he, he's a gift to us. Uh, I, I'm so glad that, uh, that he wasn't successful in that aspect and that, uh, he is, you know, helping others, you know, he's founded Second Chance Athletes.

And so folks, it is my honor and privilege to welcome. He is a, a large man in many ways. Daryl Stinson,

inson: no need for me to say [: 00:03:00

Chris Stone: Arthur.

Darryll Stinson: Wow. I haven't heard that one in a while.

Chris Stone: Yeah. Oh.

Darryll Stinson: Awesome. I love Arthur. Yeah.

Chris Stone: Thanks so much for coming on, man. This is, um, this is, like I said, this is, this is an honor for us. When Jim told me that he had, he had met you, uh, at an event and, um, that, uh, that you were coming on deal cares, I was like, uh, you know, yeah, I know who this is.

maybe sort of heard what Jim [: 00:04:00

Um, but I think it's, I think it's important for people just to, you know, to kind of like lay the foundation here and kind of set the table for, for what you've, you know, you didn't automatically become this big entrepreneur and, and keynote speaker. And, uh, coach and all of the things that, that you're doing just overnight, it, it came, uh, it came at a price.

Right? And it, and, and there was a, there was a lot of, and I think a lot of people that become successful, uh, successful, not just financially Right. Successful in what they're doing. And, and I, I look at someone like yourself and I, and I, and I see, I see success, right? A lot of people see, you know, uh, PE people successfully walking on their private jets and, and all of these things, but they don't hear about the hard stuff, uh, and the hard work and the things that they've gone through to get mm-hmm.

e, maybe talk about, um, the [: 00:05:00

Darryll Stinson: Um, so where, where you at from in Michigan? Chris, where, where at? Uh,

Chris Stone: I grew up, uh, 32 Mile in Van Dyke, Romeo.

Darryll Stinson: Oh, Romeo. Yeah. Okay. North of Detroit. Yeah. I, I, I played with, I played in Romeo a couple of times. Oh yeah. Uh, the fact there's a really good guy. What's his name? Blake. Blake c Berry.

Chris Stone: Oh, I know Blake C Berry.

Are you kidding me?

Darryll Stinson: Are you serious? Yeah, I played with him. I

Chris Stone: know the c the whole cush Berry family from Romeo. Yeah, absolutely. Oh,

Darryll Stinson: dude, I haven't seen him since high school. Yeah. The dude was a sniper from the three point line. Oh, yeah. So yeah, we played, uh, a, a whole year together. It was, it was fun. He was a great player.

ken all money. Brave. Right. [: 00:06:00

And, uh, if you know Tony Dungy Oh yeah. Tony Dungy and I are the only famous people from Jackson. Okay. Uhhuh. And, uh, I grew up a very smart intellectual kid. My mother put me in a. Advanced learning classes because she noticed that I was very smart and that meant that I was one of two black students in an all white class.

There was nothing wrong with this. I, I wasn't made fun of. It actually worked to my advantage. I was one of the smartest kids in the class. People cheated off my test. They laughed at my jokes. They called me go, and so I thought, remember I'm in third grade, that since they liked me, everyone in the school must like me, right?

the nasty wooden pass is to [: 00:07:00

I'm like, man, I'm gonna go and get in on the jokes. So I walk over to 'em and I say, what's so funny? Nobody answers. I'm like, I'm, I've always been like one of the tallest kids in class. And I'm like, I know they, I know they see me, so let me speak up. Maybe they didn't hear me. And I was like, Hey y'all, what's so funny?

And just as soon as I was saying that somebody turned towards me and said, your was funny, white boy, and they all erupted in laughter. And I walked away feeling ashamed, rejected. And I didn't know what that meant. So I literally went back to class and I asked them, I said. Why are they calling me white boy when I'm clearly like, clearly black, you know?

re that because that was the [: 00:08:00

And for you, it might not be sports, it might be that everyone at work got invited to go out for drinks except for you. It may be a bad divorce you went through. It may be a sales quota you didn't meet. Rejection has a way of making us feel like we're not good enough. And that's what I felt and that began this journey of changing who I was authentically to fit in with other people.

So let me, let me pause there and see what you guys.

Chris Stone: I gotta say that. So did was

ic. Was that, was that Dr. A [: 00:09:00

He's my first cousin,

Darryll Stinson: his mother, my auntie got shot and killed in broad daylight. Um, and he had to come move in with us 'cause his dad was in prison. Chaz had already come from the streets. He was from a different part of town. He was popular with the black crowd. He. I wasn't yet. So when he moved in with me, he brought in that whole group of friends that were like peer pressure, and they were laughing at my clothes, made fun of me.

ween the racial divide in my [: 00:10:00

So it didn't matter if I was going to the bonfire with the white folks or the basement party with the black people, I could come, I was invited 'cause I was the elite athlete. And that started happening around the eighth, ninth grade is when I started to really get traction. My athleticism caught up to my height.

So. Yet, very much so. Uh, sports kind of was that saving grace. But it still was an issue because anytime you attach your identity to your activity, you make poor decisions. You start to sacrifice self on the altar of whatever's more important than you. And, and that's what I did. I, I, I did everything for the identity of an athlete, whether or not that was the best for me and my self-care.

people are identifying their [: 00:11:00

How, how, um, I, this isn't an easy answer, I understand this, but it's like, how do, how do you, how does someone work to not do that? To, um, to work away and say like, listen, this is just a job. You know, without this, you're still a father, you're still a mother, you're still a husband, you're still a wife, you're still a, you know, you still have a family.

Oh, you read a book? Is that what you do? Segue

exercise to

do? You know, that's how we [: 00:12:00

So that would be my, my first thing is try introducing yourself by what you like, by, uh, uh, who you are, by, uh, what you prefer to do in a sense of. Of how you prefer to be. So, I, you know, it's funny, I, people always say, you do, you go first, Darryl. And I'm like, okay. So my name is Darrell. I enjoy long walks on the beach.

I love spending time with my, my three daughters. I love going to the movies by myself. Um, I sometimes see my depression as an invitation to creativity. So I will write songs and raps and poems from that. And so I, it, it's less about my doing and more about my being, right? Like, this is who I am, I care about, I wanna be known for how I love and for how I give my, my core values are faith, integrity, family.

things that you can say and [: 00:13:00

Chris Stone: For, and then you go explain what your job is. It's like, well, that's not who I am. Why am I, why am I telling that person? Well, who my job is? That's not who I am. They wanna know who I am and what I do. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I do that for eight hours a day. That's not me. Yeah. There's another, what? What's the math, Jim?

16. Is there another 16 hours in the day that, that, that's

Jim Fuhs: me.

Chris Stone: Don't ask, don't ask me math. Come on now. Okay. Alright.

Mm-hmm. Less than

ted to see what would happen [: 00:14:00

That when people go around and give their job description, that that gives you a, let's say, level one bond with them. Okay. I see that. Uh, Chris does video and he's got his podcast, Mike and Darrell's a speaker and his setup doesn't look as awesome as Chris. So now Chris can come help Darrell with his setup so he can look hd and like his teeth is actually white, so.

I know, I know. I'm like, hint, hint, hint. He's like, it's scrolling at the bottom, Darryl. It's scrolling at the bottom. So anyways, um, that's step one and I get why we do that. The step two, what we're really trying to get to, I believe, is, are we connected on a greater level? So, hey, okay, we got some synergy. We compliment each other, but do we share the same values?

care about the same things? [: 00:15:00

And I asked them, how was that experience for you? And they were like, phenomenal. I want to connect with this person, this person, this person, because we align on a deeper level. I'm not sure what, how we're gonna work together. I just know I resonate with what they said. I cared about their value, their priorities, and I was like, ah, see it worked.

So that would be, that

Chris Stone: would be my advice. Yeah.

To creativity. Do I got that right? Mm-hmm.

Darryll Stinson: Yep.

ah. Because I mean, yeah, I, [: 00:16:00

Um, when I hear it's an invitation to creativity mm-hmm. I go, huh, yeah. I've never really heard it that way. You know, you, you, you hear people that have been depressed and they will create something out of that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, how have you done that? Um, like what's, uh, when you say it's an invitation to creativity, what's, what's that process look?

What does that look like for you?

Uh, I was

you sometimes feel alone. I. [: 00:17:00

No different than you choose a different college. And, uh, I don't know. I just, I was just, I was in a rut and I couldn't put myself out and I was doing all of my, my thing and I was, I just, I was just feeling hopeless. And, um, I reminded myself that sometimes depression is an invitation to create. So I. Got in tune with myself and I'm like, what do I really need right now?

And I pulled out a blank sheet of paper and I just said, I'm just gonna write, uh, to create something. Maybe someone in this world feels the same way that I do. Maybe they feel hopeless. And I started to think about when these feelings of hopelessness started. And I remember it was when I was a kid. It was moments like I shared in the episode that I felt rejected.

ust had hope at a young age, [: 00:18:00

This is for the kids that don't know. All they gotta do is hold on. You know, we all need hope. This is for the kids who don't know. All they gotta do is hold on. And then I wrote like. Hold onto your faith. Don't let nobody shake it. And if they talk about your clothes, don't even let it phase you. And if they talk about your looks, don't even pay attention.

You ain't gotta listen. They entitled to their own opinion. Here's what I discovered. It's the people who talk bad about everybody else. They do it to feel better about themselves. Haters. So just be you and don't you worry about a thing. Them storms gonna come, but dance in the rain. Keep your head up 'cause life will try to push you down.

every loss into a lesson. So [: 00:19:00

And my daughter says,

Chris Stone: no, we all need hope.

Darryll Stinson: And that became the we all need Hope song.

It is available for free on YouTube. Okay. The, the original instrumental does not belong to us, so we posted it for free.

Chris Stone: Okay.

Darryll Stinson: Uh, but it, it has been a great, tremendous help and blessing to other people.

Chris Stone: Yeah. We

Darryll Stinson: were planning to do a, a hope tour here in Gwinnett County before Covid, and then Covid slapped us in the face.

So, uh, coming soon,: 2022

, oh, I'm, you know, Colonel [: 00:20:00

Mm-hmm. Like, they, it was so hard for them to let that go and what, you know, sometimes the. The joke. 'cause I know, you know, you've been working with, uh, some veterans group, Daryl is the fact that, you know, like, who are you, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Your past is great. You accomplish things just like with, you know, athletes.

You know, there's so much that you talk about in the book. It's like, you know, it's kind of like the, the Bruce Springsteen song, glory Days, right? We all live in the past of when we were, you know, oh, I remember when I was this or that. It's like, but who are you now and what are you gonna do in the future?

it the wrong way, don't they?[: 00:21:00

Chris Stone: Future. Thank you. That

Darryll Stinson: makes me feel special. My nursery rhymes are going platinum. Yeah,

I love it. I love it. Uh, perhaps I'll share another one later, but yeah, I, I, I think that, um, and see, I don't lost my train of thought. 'cause they, they inflamed my ego.

Chris Stone: What, what's the question? Purpose,

Darryll Stinson: back to purpose. Oh, okay. I believe your purpose should be as unique as your fingerprint is. Right. And, and this and this.

My, my belief in this came because I knew I could be successful at something else other than sports. I didn't think that I would be fulfilled by anything else other than sports. And so when I survived my suicide attempt and I came out and I'm like, okay, I, I'm here. I, God speared me. What's my purpose? And I'm looking for, I.

What do I do? And so I'm [: 00:22:00

Healthy Disregard for the Impossible, or whatever they call purpose. Right? Um, yeah, that's a, that's a good for, I know, healthy disregard for the. Impossible. I love that. Um, that, that was, that was from Leader Shape. Yeah. That was a great experience for me. It was a, a week long leadership experience, but I got to this place to why I, that was a huge shift is through all of these, all of this research, I, I learned that, that that was a, where I was erroring, I was trying to find, I was trying to make my purpose what I did versus who I was or why I did it.

n author, a podcaster. And I [: 00:23:00

And I, and I list 22 purpose discovery questions that help you find your highest, most authentic purpose. I've, I've, you know, anyways, so, uh, but I'll give you a couple of things to think of. You know, you've probably heard like what would you do if you knew that money wasn't an option? Right? Uh, because oftentimes we talk ourselves out of our dreams because money's not an option.

But that still leads you to what? Not why? So I say, I want you to close your eyes and I want you to describe the perfect world that you envision. Literally just describe everything you see. How are people interacting? How's the government structure, what's the environment look like? What's your family?

d here's what happens. Every [: 00:24:00

I was a PR person and I did a lot of marketing there. Central Light Magazine, all this stuff. I did this, uh, story on a young lady who, uh, was a chemistry major and she won a Fulbright Scholarship Award, which is a very prestigious award. And I was interviewing her and trying to get to know her, and I asked her a question jokingly, and I was like, Hey, like, do you just walk around and see chemical compounds and makeups all the time?

table, right? She sees that. [: 00:25:00

Why? Because she believes that life is a, a, I don't know she how she described it, but it's a, uh, it's an equation. It's a, it's a, it's a chemical reaction. It's flowing together. So she, part of her purpose is to make connections, uh, through like periodic table connection. Like, I, I can't even describe it 'cause it's her purpose.

That's what I'm talking about. Uh. You ask yourself, why do I, why did I describe the world that way? Why do I care about those things that was mentioned in the world that I described? And they say that when you ask yourself why five times, you'll get to the core of what your underlying motivation really is.

'm, I'm being the voice that [: 00:26:00

Because I don't feel like anybody should be alone and without a voice and da, da da. Well, why does that? And you just keep drilling down until you in tears and you're like, you know, and it happens and it's in there. And I believe we all can find it because here's my greatest belief. Is that when we find our highest purpose, we will operate at our greatest effectiveness.

The better I learn how to use the functions of my car, the better I am with the car. So there's so much buttons and features and functions to you. You can't put you in a box. That's why you're a podcaster. That's why you're a father. That's why you're a husband. That's why you're a deal maker. That's why you're a creator.

And the reason why you're. Frustrated and unfulfilled is 'cause You keep thinking that your purpose is what you do rather than why you do it. And you don't wanna be caged in the box because you were never meant to be in the box. You're supposed to break out of that thing 'cause you have a higher purpose.

being their authentic self. [: 00:27:00

I gotta calm down. I'm sorry. I'm excited. No, please don't. The reason why I'm getting so passionate about this, by the way, is because this, this is what drove my depression. This is what made life unfulfilled. This is what made me feel like, like people kept saying you, you know, Darrell, just find something that you're passionate about.

I'm like, I was passionate about sports. I was passionate about sports. I'm not passionate about anything else. So you're telling me I don't have purpose. Which leads to what? Depression thoughts. Not wanting to be here. 'cause I don't have purpose. When I found out that my purpose was not what I did, I had something higher.

Now it didn't matter. Take my job away, take my career away. I still got purpose. Take my girlfriend away, which happened. I still got purpose. Take my fiance away. I still got purpose. Don't take my wife away. I like my wife now. Don't take her away.

There we go. [: 00:28:00

Chris Stone: Okay. You said what? Yeah. What one less cup of coffee for Darryl tomorrow, but, um, no, seriously, man. This is, um, this, this is ama, you know, so many people talk about it. And this is why I love live streaming, Darrel, is because yes. You can, you can see it in you right now on the screen.

There is, there is not an ounce of you that doesn't believe every single thing that you're saying. And, um, it's, it, it comes across and, um, it took, it took a long, hard road, uh, to get there. And, um, you know, it's, it's amazing to see that. And, you know, I, I would. You know, I wanna, I wanna kind of like, we're, we've gone off into, like, I had a, I had a whole bunch of notes and a whole bunch of questions I wanted to ask, but maybe we'll do another, we'll do, we'll do another one.

a conversation a while back, [: 00:29:00

They were just, they were going to be top, whatever, and mm-hmm. Maybe they got some money, maybe they got a lot of money, and that just fell apart for them. Um, and his job was to work with them to help them get into the corporate world. Right. Not, not necessarily What you're talking about was like, let's get, let's get the mind.

Right. Right. There's a lot of, there's a lot of mindset in there. There's a lot of, there's a lot of junk that, you know, maybe needs to get unpacked and worked on before you can just like, you know. Expect someone to put on a suit and go do an interview with Home Depot or something like that. Right. But that was his gig, was to do that.

d with a former player who I [: 00:30:00

And, and didn't really think about anything, but I'm gonna do this and I'm, I'm, and so when the bottom fell out, the ACL got ripped and it was time to figure out what the he was supposed to do. He sat down and was, did an interview, did an okay job, was offered a job, and the job I think was like $70,000 a year, and he stood up and said, $70,000.

e mentality, I guess, if the [: 00:31:00

I know the NFL used to do like a symposium, I guess they still do that for rookies to try to help them with their finances, help them with sort of like, you know, take care of this, that, and the other so that you can make sure that, uh, you have a life after. The three seasons, you may, you may exist in this league or something like that.

Is that, um, I know this is a really long question, but I kind of wanted to just kind of put it out there and see if there, if there's any experience that, that you've got in terms of the mentality there.

Hierarchy of needs.

ike that within three years. [: 00:32:00

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Um, and. And, and, and that's the fallacy, right? That because you become a professional athlete, you're just rich and famous and successful and everybody's LeBron James. And that's not, that's not, that's not the reality. Not everyone gets that average salary, every sport's different. So the, the mentality is that, uh, I, I come in that self actualization stage, right?

So, yeah, you know, I love job placement organization. This is why our organization partner with Athlete Network 'cause they do a lot of the job placement stuff. Uh, a great partner of ours and have supported us and we've done launches with them and Chris Kowski for mental health, but this is for the athlete and, and the self alation.

d snap my finger and go back [: 00:33:00

I didn't have any glory. I mean, I had glory days, but. But the glory days, the mindset of that, think about that. It's just all downhill from here,

Chris Stone: right? Mm-hmm.

Darryll Stinson: And I'm like, man, I don't care if you're Michael Jordan. You're not supposed to think that way. That's a terrible way to live. That's depressing.

You're just, you know, slowly rolling to the bottom. Like, this is terrible. No man. There's dreams, there's purpose for you to fulfill. So, uh, the mindset is that, is that there's something just as or greater in life. Uh, for you to do and for you to accomplish that all that you've been through has accumulated your network, your experience, your brand equity, and to an athlete, that that is a launching pad that you get to start with to accomplish something new.

se I was like, I had so many [: 00:34:00

Mm. And that's why there's this movement, uh, called more than an Athlete because they're starting to realize that I'm more than this. The only challenge that I don't like that comes with it is it's still a job title. So, more than an athlete doesn't mean that I'm more than what I do. It means I'm an athlete in an entrepreneur.

I'm an athlete and a musician. I'm an athlete into this. That's the only thing I don't like about it, but I, I like the spirit of it, which is I'm more than what you see.

Chris Stone: Wow. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Kobe and there, nobody worked harder either. I mean mm-hmm. Just nobody worked harder. I mean, he, you're right.

ns of like, he's, he is, uh, [: 00:35:00

He's awesome.

Darryll Stinson: Yeah. Literally the day before he passed, um, we were doing a small group and they were like, the icebreaker question was like, if you could do work with anybody in the world, who would it be? And I was like, Kobe Bryant. The next day he passed away. Oh, I was devastated. I was devastated. So,

Jim Fuhs: yeah.

You know, it's, it's funny too, 'cause Right, you know, like I said, I see that similarity. It's kinda like, you know, service members, right? That if they do a career and they retire really at a young age. A lot of times thirties, early forties, and it's like, well, what's next? Right? What's your purpose now?

be fulfilling? And I think, [: 00:36:00

But I enjoy it. Right? I, right. I enjoy getting to talk to great people like you, Darrel, and just having fun, uh, you know, being myself. And, and I think that's part of the challenge is how do you, you get there and I didn't, it's not like it happened overnight, right? It took me, I think, uh. Six, seven years from the time I retired to finally figure out this is what I want to do.

Mm-hmm. And that's probably where having help from someone like you would've maybe helped me, you know, be more focused. And I think just like the divorce rate with athletes, you see a lot of that too with the, the military. And I think even in, in mine and Chris's generation, it seems like there's a lot more of these.

As soon as the kids graduate from high school, the parents are going separate ways. Yeah. It's really, it's really sad with, uh, what we've got going on there.

hole world is crumbling. And [: 00:37:00

You know, my, my wife's been through that, so I understand that really well. Yeah.

Chris Stone: Yeah.

I.

Yeah, often we talk to content creators, whether I'm talking to somebody about doing a show, a podcast, or in the business that, that I have outside of this. Um, you know, and most of the time I'll ask somebody, well, well, what, you know, what's your podcast for? Like, you know, why are you doing it? And the answer is going to be, well, I don't know.

Somebody told me I was a good pod. I would be a good podcaster. Well, it's not really a reason. Um, well, I wanna make, I wanna make money. Okay. Well, that's a reason I, I don't necessarily feel like it's, you know, fantastic, but it is a reason. But, um, you know, it's gonna take a long time, but then mm-hmm. I never really thought about going down the why.

l, why is it, you know, and, [: 00:38:00

Okay, I'm done. Right. There's so many often like, boom, easy button go and I can just do this, and then I can watch a couple YouTube videos. Yeah. And, uh, then I, all of a sudden I have a CRM system and I'm an entrepreneur. Um, and they, they don't understand that there's hard work involved, uh, in order Yeah. In order to do that.

So, speaking of hard work, I really want to touch on the book and, um, you know, I, I'm, I'm looking here that this, this came out, um, at the end. This came out less than a year ago. So it, it came out during, uh, the pandemic. Yeah. Um, so I know I've, we've talked to a couple of other, uh, authors. That had done that, was it a, was it a struggle for, in terms of publishing, um, and, and getting that out?

October of last year, right? [: 00:39:00

Darryll Stinson: Somewhat. I've been, I've been working on the material for, I. The long I, I, I won't even wanna tell you, it's so embarrassing. Uh, but I've evolved, you know, and every time I got ready to put it out there, I'm like, scratch. I learned so much new stuff.

It's terrible, you know, which was, which was honestly the hardest thing about pushing it to market was that I was like, but wait, 'cause you know, there's some mental health stuff in here. Mm-hmm. But. I could put, I could probably write a whole nother book about mental health right now because of how, how much I've learned and all the speaking I've done.

And you just hear where people really get stuck at and I'm like, I just wish that was in the book, like right now. But I don't wanna go through updating it anyways. I gotta write another book. Right? Yeah. I do have 20 books that I will write. 20. 20, okay. Uh, 20.

Chris Stone: That's your goal is 20?

Darryll Stinson: Yes. That's a good goal.

And,

Chris Stone: and how, which, which number is, is who am I after sports?

Darryll Stinson: One.

Chris Stone: Okay, so you got 19 to go. That's, uh, yeah. Okay. Wow.

nson: Okay. Um, so the book, [: 00:40:00

So I asked myself, what did I do to get here? And I kind of started to say, okay, well first I did this, and then I did that. And that became the core of the book, my athletes transition roadmap. So I'll give you the overview really quick. And by the way, this applies to anyone who's in a season of transition.

The examples that I use are for athletes, and I know I'm gonna get to your question, but I just wanted to give people an overview in case they were like, Hey, what's the book? So the first chapter is acceptance. So when you lose something, it's, you gotta go through the five stages of grief. Okay? Uh, the point of the five stages agree is that you get to this place where you've accepted that that chapter in your life is closed.

re talking about how you won [: 00:41:00

You, you, you still are living as if you're trying to prove how good you could have been or should have been as an athlete. You, you try to prove how good your marriage should have been. You, you try to prove how right you were in the marriage. Oh, you try to prove how awesome of an executive you were, you're still stuck in the past.

Mm. Okay? So you gotta come to a place of closure. The second, once you come to that place of closure is to believe this is all mindset. You cannot achieve what you cannot conceive in the mind. And so you cannot say, I'm gonna find something while having a subconscious belief that nothing's gonna be better than what you had before.

oftentimes our subconscious [: 00:42:00

What we want. Okay. The third phase is to discover. So I've accepted that it's done. I, I believe that my future is brighter than my past. Now I gotta figure out what am I, what, what is my future? And because I'm not just what I do, I need to find my highest purpose. So this is where you go through the purpose discovery questions.

You find your unique purpose statement, uh, and now you know everything to say yes to, and everything to say no to. 'cause it has to align with that purpose. Okay. Then you go, I know my purpose. Now I gotta go pursue it. I gotta go do something. I gotta get some wins under the belt. This is stuff that typically athletes tend to know.

This is the transferable skills that help them to be an elite athlete. How do you transfer that into life beyond sports? Okay, so this is all stuff that's just high performance habits, morning nighttime routines, mindset stuff a little bit, but a lot of it's time management and and routines. Okay. So now you're rolling.

become the well-known expert [: 00:43:00

My greatest mistake as an athlete is that I had a system of success, but I didn't have a system of self care. I'm gonna repeat that. I had a system of success. I knew how to stay up late, wake up early. I knew how to be coachable, work in the team, but I did not have a system of self-care. I didn't have journaling.

I didn't have meditation. I didn't have reflection. I didn't have affirmations. I didn't have, um, uh, uh, uh, breath work. I didn't know how to control that stuff. I had no. System of self-care. And that was my greatest thing. And so what I talked about in the persistence chapter is how can you develop a system of self-care so that you do not sacrifice self on the altar of success?

Wow.

t, or do you feel like other [: 00:44:00

'cause it doesn't, you know? Why do you think people avoid it?

Darryll Stinson: It's a phenomenal question. I'm gonna say something that might sound offensive. I do not currently think this way. Okay. This is how I thought, to be honest with you.

Chris Stone: Okay.

Darryll Stinson: Because everybody who came and talked about that stuff, I did not respect 'cause they were soft.

Chris Stone: Gotcha.

Darryll Stinson: That's the real reason why. Sure. It's, and it's the same way, right? It ha it happens to me. Right. So I'm doing, I'm doing pretty well as an entrepreneur, right? Uh, but there's people that are doing better than me and mm-hmm. I remember going to a, a corporate organization. I'm doing the training and I'm crushing it, but I can see that there's a couple of guys in the front row who just don't respect me because my suit's not nicer than me.

in't got more money than me. [: 00:45:00

It's not like, Hey, slow down, achieve less and rest more. That's not the point of self-care. The point is that you actually optimize your performance. Right? That's the point. Right? But you do it from a healthy place. And so when I can connect those dots for them and they say, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait. You mean to tell me by being, okay.

ple of my TEDx talk, one of, [: 00:46:00

I just like to act. I just like to act. And she couldn't figure it out. So we did our little thing. We, you know, went through the book, all that stuff. And then she came from this generic, like, my purpose is just to be a good person. And it was like real generic, like, you know, to be a good person and to add value to the world, to my purpose is to connect people.

Through art and conversation in order to create a more compassionate, empathetic, and beautiful world that's way different than I'm an actor, right? Or an actress. In her case, and I told her this, now, when you show up on the scene, you'll be operating from a sense of purpose when everyone else will be operating from a sense of passion, who you think is gonna win.

Okay. Alright. So, um, I, I kind of went off on a tangent there. I don't even know if I answered the question, but I, I hope that was valuable. I feel like it made sense to somebody. This has, this has all been valuable. Definitely a hundred

ris Stone: percent valuable. [: 00:47:00

Checked out the book here. Uh, who am I after Sports? We're gonna do a little, uh, screen share here, or, or Jim's gonna hold it up. Uh, I guess, but, uh, we're gonna do, uh, hang on a sec. Let me add this. So here we go. Um, this is Darryl's book. Who am I After Sports? Uh, available on, uh, on Amazon and, um, an athlete's roadmap to discover new purposes, new purpose, and life fulfilled.

r, I know I could maybe, uh, [: 00:48:00

I could man. But, um, this has been a, this has been absolutely amazing. Um, and I am just, uh, I feel honored to, um, to have not only have you on the show, but to get to know you a little bit better, uh, as well, uh, because you're obviously a tremendous human being. And, uh, I love the story. I love the fact that, uh, you're genuinely in it.

To help people. And you know, people say that all the time, right? But, um, are they really, um, are they really doing it? And, uh, man, you're doing it in spades. You are just, and, and, um, it's, it's been an inspirational conversation, uh, just to say the least. Uh, so man, thank you so much for classing up the joint here.

On deal casters and, uh, you know, wearing a different jacket. Um, you know, it's always, that's always good to see. He's got two jackets, right. Darrell,

is it that you're working on [: 00:49:00

Darryll Stinson: Yeah, just hit me up. Uh, I'm, I'm Google Bull. Uh, just hit me up. I'm on LinkedIn and all that stuff to, uh, connect with me, buy the book, support the book. Um. I am very passionate in this season in my life of connecting with, uh, entrepreneurs who want to tell their story. I just, uh, I'll tell you, I'll tell you why is this okay?

just wanna say thank you for [: 00:50:00

There is something about hearing your story today that gave me the strength to come out about mine. Last year, my parents dropped me off at an orphanage. This was a 14-year-old girl. She said, I couldn't figure out what was so wrong with me that they just decided they didn't want me anymore. And so she pulled up her wristband and she showed me the cuts on her wrist.

She said, you're the first person I'm telling this to. Wow. Wow. I could have never guessed that. I just thought about, man, how many times did I say, oh, I'll figure it out later. I'll take public speaking seriously later because of my insecurity, because of my comfort and, and, and, and how many more people was I leaving like her out there,

Chris Stone: right?

mental health or overcoming [: 00:51:00

Imagine if you can use speaking as a tool to impact more people. There's so many opportunities. There's thousands of events and there, and I feel like it's one of the greatest ways, just like live streaming, which is a form of speaking to connect with people. 'cause you feel their heart and people don't care how much you know 'til they know how much you care.

So that's what I'm passionate about right now. And, uh, it, it's, it's, it's a mission that I'm on to elevate the voices and the platforms of other people. And I, I'm pretty good at it too. I just, I can, I can like, you know, like not me as a speaker, but I'm much, much better, right. As a coach who helps people find their story.

So, and I've got, I've got the proof to show it. So do you help them with humility

o, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. [: 00:52:00

Darryll Stinson: So it's, it's not pride. I know, I know. To own, to own what you're good at. A hundred

Chris Stone: percent. It's

Darryll Stinson: actually a form of false humility. When you don't, if I told you your livestream setup is nice and because you don't want peer prideful, you tell me.

No, it's not. You just, you're, you're you, you have false humility.

Chris Stone: Mm-hmm.

Darryll Stinson: Yeah,

Chris Stone: I'm stand standing down. Standing down.

Darryll Stinson: I know, I get that a lot. I get that a lot. You know, people, it's so funny, people attach things. I had a mask that had DS on it and 'cause of my brand. Darryl Stinson. Mm-hmm. And somebody said, oh, you're so arrogant, you're so prideful.

And I was like, really? Do you have a business card in your pocket?

him, you know, they give him [: 00:53:00

They'd be like, why are you wearing the shirt of your band? It's like. I love my band. Why wouldn't I wear a shirt of my band? You know? Yeah. It's kind of like, it's it, yeah. Take the opportunity to always be branding too, you know? It's, uh, always right. Uh, that's,

Darryll Stinson: uh, always be branding,

Chris Stone: baby. That's it. That's it.

See, this has been awesome. Awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. It's a thank you. And, and, uh, do we, is there a date where we could go catch you, speak virtually or in person anytime soon?

Darryll Stinson: Oh, absolutely. I don't even know what my calendar I'm in, like I'm on tour. I'm Florida, California, Sedona, Arizona.

I'll be Wisconsin, Alabama. I think my next one coming up is, uh, Florida Institute and it's, uh, next weekend. Okay. And are, are those on the website? Uh, they'll, you gotta just follow me on social. I'll, I'll, I'll cross promote the events and things like that. You'll catch 'em. Awesome. Yeah. Awesome. Awesome. Yeah.

Thanks. Yeah, we'll be

Jim Fuhs: happy to promote 'em as well.

Darryll Stinson: Yeah. Awesome. Thank you Daryl so much. Good,

e: man. I appreciate it. Uh, [: 00:54:00

Darryll Stinson: nice.

So that's the way of saying Darryl was talking too much. No, not at all.

Chris Stone: No. Like, uh, it's okay. It's okay. Uh, ne has got some great comments. He says, as someone who faced debilitating mental health challenges as a young man. Uh, I co-sign everything that Darryl just said. Bravos.

Darryll Stinson: Wow. Wow. Thank you for sharing that.

Thank you.

e. As always, don't fear the [: 00:55:00